Monday, July 13, 2015

Dealing with loss

I’ve just read Jo Carroll’s very moving post about the passing away of someone she has known since childhood. She has expressed it beautifully and as I read it, I just wanted to keep saying ‘yes, yes – that’s just how it feels.’

In my last post, I touched on the fact I’d lost a very dear friend recently to cancer. It happened when I was in South Africa, something I’d been dreading since I booked my flight several months ago. Unlike Jo's, my friend was not very old, but the battle with cancer had been going on for nearly four years. In the last months, it became clear that it was a matter of time - and I knew it. Nevertheless, I  haven’t felt able to write about it for two reasons: one being that I know the family wouldn’t want anyone to put two and two together – I , like Jo, have to and want to respect their privacy and that’s increasingly difficult on the internet these days; the other is that I really could not find the words to say how I felt, except that a very important light in my life has gone out.

Jo’s post is so moving; she writes with such perception, I’d like to link to it here. Please read it.

For myself, this photo was one I took in South Africa on learning the news. I was given some time to be alone (thank you, Moira), so I wandered round these tracks taking it in - dealing with the 'dislocation' as Jo puts it. This image, with its rails disappearing into the distance, felt fitting.


17 comments:

  1. Val you have my deepest of sympathies and all that I can tell you is to keep on talking to that person, for they are only half a whisper away.
    Bless.

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    1. A lovely idea, Mel. I will. Thank you for that.

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  2. The shock, the strangeness, of the sudden loss is so sad, and dislocation is a good descriptor, Val. I love your photo of the railway; even the dry grass is evocative of loss and isolation. I am sure your friend lives on in your heart forever - I still speak in my mind to a friend I lost some years ago. It is soothing.

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    1. Thank you for such comforting words Patricia; that's lovely that you still speak too.

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  3. I am sorry to hear about your friend, it is always so sad to lose someone close. The gaping hole that is left is difficult to have to deal with. I think your picture sums up the journey perfectly xxx

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    1. You're right about the hole, Fran. Thank you, dear xxx

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  4. It takes a while, doesn't it, for the world to find its new shape. But we'll get there - we're holding hands across the sea, Val.

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    1. We are, Jo. Your post helped me a lot though. A wonderful form of hand holding. I'd been struggling, so a big hug to you!

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  5. Hi Val - I feel for you ... I've two friends in SA going through that difficult process and communication is so difficult ... one isn't internet related, the other is too ill to care much, and post doesn't get through ... or takes forever ... and the phone is always tricky - right time, wrong time ...

    The shock and suddenness hits us out of the park for a while ... so difficult to take on board ... we just never know. Take care and with thoughts -Hilary

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    1. Oh Hilary, that must be very hard. Communication is so much more difficult there. You have my sympathy. Take care too!

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  6. Val I am so sorry to read about your dear friend. The passage of time does help but I think we always carry those we have lost in our hearts. Xxx

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    1. Yes, Jane. I think that's true. I'm very grateful for all these kind words. Bless you, Xx

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  7. Val, I lost my best friend whom I had known since my early teens. She also died of cancer in '07. I guess I got through it by working with children. Now, when I think about, she is always somewhere close by. Be comforted. Lynn

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  8. Hi Val, I've been so negligent in visiting your blog. It's that same "busy" we all struggle with, isn't it? I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear friend. When people die too young, it often leaves us wounded and bewildered. I hope you will find a way to heal from the loss.

    Having read your past two entries, I must say that I can completely sympathize with your difficulties in finding the flow after an absence from writing, as I am facing the same challenge. I am excited for you in that you are aiming to write a novel, and just want to wish you all the best.

    xxAM

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  9. So very sad. I've only just caught up with yours and Jo's posts. That photograph displays the pain very well. Take care.

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  10. Thank you so much, Lynn, Anne-Marie and Ros. As Jo says, it will take some time to come to terms with it and the dislocated feeling of my friend not being with us anymore. And thank you, Anne-Marie fir the good wishes about the writing! That too may take some time, but I am looking forward to getting started xx

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  11. So sorry for your loss Val. The loss of someone is a strange feeling. If it's someone you don't normally see everyday or who doesn't live close by you still feel they are there,in the place they have always been. It's only when you want to speak to them or see them that reality strikes and forbids it.

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