Wednesday, March 03, 2010

Trying to find my way back

It's a strange feeling. Not having to leap out of bed on Wednesday and Thursday mornings to leave the harbour, Koos and Sindy for the whole day as I have been doing these past three months. I've been working every other day as well, but have always been home for part of the day. Just not these two days. The reason has been the annual business communications course that five other colleagues and myself have been giving to first year students at the university here.

What's been different this year is that I decided (my prerogative as coordinator) to do four groups, meaning two full eight hour teaching shifts with hardly any break in between. Enough to dash from one room to the next and get set up again. The breaks in the lessons were always busy too. Students asking questions, seeking advice and so on. Sometimes the whole day would pass and I'd realise I hadn't even had a cup of coffee since breakfast.

Did I enjoy it? No, not really. It would have been okay if I hadn't had any other work to do, but you know what it's like. People ask and you can't say no. The result was that weekends were non existent. I had to spend them marking assignments or assessing roleplays that I should have been able to do during the week - had I refused to take on that other work.

You're probably thinking so what? Why the fuss. And you're right, it was only for three months, but for some reason it's turned my world upside down and I'm having a job trying to find my balance again. My boat, house and garden were all dismissed from my mind, and now it's over I really need to think about them again. I haven't written a word in months, nor have I blogged or played music or written to friends and family. I still have quite a bit of work, but even so, there is the prospect of the odd free morning and, even better, free weekends. Will I know what to do with them, though?

I looked at my writing work in progress this evening, and had no clue where I was going to go with it. I'm sure my barge needs my attention, but I am not yet inclined you might say. As for the garden, I watched Sin go out and do her stuff last Sunday, and thought "I'll do it next week", only to feel glad that next week will probably bring rain and I can put it off again for another day.

I will get over this lassitude, won't I? At least I've used my blog to offload I msut go and read some others. Well, it's a start isn't it....


  1. You will... spring is coming!! :D

    See you tomorrow, fun... looking forward!

    Grtz the girlfriend

  2. You need to settle down with a good glass of wine and disappear back into your writing world. That's my plan too, now that report cards are done and the spring break is close at hand. I have missed it a lot.

    Glad you've finally got a break!


  3. Welcome back!
    I have learnt to say "No!" the last few years, it may have an influence on your salary but... So what!

    Your physical and mental health is worth more than anything else.
    I endorse Anne-Marie's advice above!

  4. I know that feeling well. I get it every time on of our projects at the office is coming to an end and we have to work like crazy to get it out the door.

    I'm sure you'll find your balance again.

    See you tonight :p

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  6. A bit late in life - and a bit too close to 60, but I am just now learning to say "no" - though my teenage daughter still seems to get the better of me (or should that read worst?)

    What makes me really angry with myself is that I still don't seem to learn from my mistakes - not the silly mistakes like touching the iron to realise that it is hot - but the human and social ones.

    But I think something I have begun to learn is to forgive myself more often - for not being perfect, for making mistakes and for being human with my very own set of little foibles and idiosyncrasies.

    It helps (as does the glass of wine someone else suggested)

    ps. scuse removal of original post

  7. Sometimes we need to just sit and do nothing...I find when I have been rushing around (and not enjoying it) then the first thing I do is try to rush around and enjoy it...but sometimes I just need a I can turn direction and cut ties from the previous work. Good to have you back, spring out here in Dorset...looking forward to reading more about it...but no rushing!

  8. Welcome back to the sphere of blogging, I for one have missed you :)

    Learning to say No is difficult for most people and unlike Yes, we seem to have to justify that two lettered word.
    Perhaps you need to allow 30 minutes for questions within each session? Then you can have a coffee in between!

    Let mother nature take care of the garden - it is not yet full spring.
    Play some music, have a glass of wine, put your feet up, close your eyes and muse.

  9. Mama, you have just been through a very demanding period, you will need at least a week to adjust. It's not easy when the weather is bad, bossy winds and grey clouds. Your barge is actually in quite good shape considering the harsh winter we've just been through. Last time I looked, your house was great too and yes Spring will lend a hand. Don't worry so much, take this time to find your way and your inspiration!

  10. Good to see you're back. And the sun's shining.....xx

  11. Thanks to everyone for the kind and encouraging words here. This weekend I'm feeling what it's like not to have the pressure of all the work, and I keep thinking there's something I should be doing..haha...the habit gets entrenched very quickly and like most bad ones, it's difficult to break!

    Anyhow, I'm doing my best to follow the very good advice I've had here, so I'm now sitting complete with glass of wine and flitting around blog land to see what I've missed. Lovely!!

    One thing I'm sort of proud of is that all through this busy period I've kept up with my TEFL studies, and now I have just two modules to do before I've finished the course. Yippee!! I think I will have finished it by next weekend, so when my certificate arrives, I shall proudly post a copy of it.

    Now I'm in the swing of studying, it won't be so hard to go on with the diploma, so that's been a good thing too.

    I'll see you all on your own blogs, but many many thanks again dear bloggy friends. What would I do without you? xox

  12. Val! I just read your comment at my blog. I think I shall email you about this thyroid issue. As I have lots of questions.

    I am glad to see you post. xo

  13. Lovely to have you back :) Now just RELAX - I was stressing just reading all that lol did I hear someone mention Thyroid ?

  14. aah oh for a life of toil and where would we be without it. At least the blogg is carthartic and a good release. I actually enjoy using this medium to release whatever. At least we have the advantage of living afloat and although by some we are regarded as water gypsies, we can have the smug satisfaction of being mobile and the ability if we choose to loose the occasional nuisance by untying a few ropes and moving but still keeping our homes. You only get one life, live it.


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